Ryan's stuff (yes I write sometimes)

The Special Spy
By Ryan Fregger
FIRST DRAFT BE NICE

Prelude
It was a cold day in Moscow, Russia. I had just gotten off of my plane and took a look around, that’s when I noticed that someone was approaching me. There were two of them wearing black uniforms, I didn’t know what they wanted or why they were coming at me the way they were.
The next thing I remember is being grabbed by these men. I could not make any sense of what was happening. I figured that I was being arrested, but when I asked them why I was being arrested their answer was a sharp glare that told me I was in for a ride.
They took me outside to a vehicle the likes of which I had never and hope not to see again. It was a black four door car, smooth lines and the tint on the windows was so black I could not see inside. Mind you I never did get to see the inside of the vehicle as soon as we were close enough I felt a pain in my arm. It was a weird pain, at first I felt just the sting from the injection then nothing, it became black and I was out.

Chapter 1
The Dark Room
When I came around I tried to get a grasp on what had happened to me. I remembered the black car with the dark tint. I opened my eyes and saw nothing. I tried to feel what I had on me; I noticed that my watch was gone and that everything seemed to have been shifted. I noticed something new two cold metal objects one on each arm. I also noticed something on my legs that made it very hard to move.
A second after determining all of this, I was suddenly and without warning blinded by a very bright light. As my eyes adjusted I saw two men both wearing the same black uniforms that the two men in the airport had worn. I also noticed a video camera located on a table in front of me.
One of the men noticing that I was awake decided to press record on the camera. I watched and waited scared for my life. I had no idea why I was there in the dark room with these two men and their camera. I waited for what I think was about an hour and then I asked in my broken Russian why I was there. I regretted asking this question as soon as it was out of my mouth. Their reaction was harsh and sent the message they wanted. The next thing I knew I heard something like a laugh a hard laugh then I felt the butt of a gun hit my jaw with an amazing amount of force behind it. I was sure my jaw was broken. Over my pain I heard them say in Russian that they were the ones asking the questions not me. To this I had no response.
After that it seemed like all hell was breaking loss. I was deprived of food and water for days at a time; I never knew when I was going to get some sleep that night. I thought they were going to kill me, I was sure of it. One day things started to change, I was asked what I would do to be free of this. My answer was not what they had expected. It shocked them when they heard me say I would do nothing to get out of this little hell.
At this point they realized that not only was I not the person they had been looking for but also that they had just created a weapon, a weapon that if trained correctly would destroy much of the world.

Ryan I have a serious tip for. It's not that people on the net don't want your stuff...It's that well people on the net are DICKS. I have often posted half finished stuff and ask for construcitve criquizm and they give me shit about my grammer and the wall of text syndom, but NOT about the actual story. I just thought I'd give you that little gem of...well whatever that Grabble is.

Dunkel Readman wrote:Ryan I have a serious tip for. It's not that people on the net don't want your stuff...It's that well people on the net are DICKS. I have often posted half finished stuff and ask for construcitve criquizm and they give me shit about my grammer and the wall of text syndom, but NOT about the actual story. I just thought I'd give you that little gem of...well whatever that Grabble is.

and this helps me how???

Basicly what I ment in that poast was, that it isn't wise to post stuff online until you're totally finished with it. Now, I have no real critique except, the 'prolouge' isn't normally what they are, what you have is like an introduction. A prolouge, is a written piece that flashes out the story and brings it up to the point you begin. The thing you have, while very good. Isn't a prolouge. So my actual critique is this (I'm sure by this point, you're thinking, 'finally he gets to the point,') make it longer to give more of the guys back ground and why he got on that plane, or just call it an introduction, or (oh how I love options) just add it into the first chapter, copy paste, simple, it'll make a longer first chapter, but it'll make a semless event transition, that is if you do the above flushing out.

(Hey second paragraph)

Also What you need to remember is reader questions. "Why is the protaganist where he is?" "What's his background?" "Is he going to have many challeneges just in the land itself" - language barrior, fanical problems, problems with his supriers, all that jazz. I'm sure you've already got all that down in your brain, just thought I'd help you out a little. For writers help is nice. So pick up your pen, or turn on your computer, and start flushing out the background of that book.

Look forward to reading it,

D.

Omg! I didnt know you liked to write Ryan! This is awesome!!!! Keepit up!

Thats very interesting . Whats the next chapter going to be like:?: